'Other-ware' - noun,\verb\adjective\pronoun\adverb: 1: my lame attempt of including stuff, otherwise known as things or concepts, that are related to computers in one way, shape, form, or another, but I am unable to recall what those might be for the moment.
Now, have you ever had one of those moment with that child and by the time you are finished you have an 'A-Ha!' moment realizing, you needed that talk more than your child because you end up walking away understanding more, on a whole new level, than when you started out?
That's me in a nutshell. This last week was no exception. While I was "sharing" with my son, a quick little flash of a picture popped into my mind that stopped me dead in my tracks, enough so that I've felt a persistent nudging that I need to share it. I don't know if my experience will help, but my hope is that you well be left better for having read, especially if you have a teen.
We have a GPS thing-a-ma-jig on my husband's work phone. *Yes son, I know it's called an application* We decided since it gives vocal directions, we should give "it" a name. ('it' is a female voice) We named her Dorothy. Seeing as we live in Kansas, the name is fitting.
I was reflecting on this past weekend when we were in Topeka for my husbands Graduation. We were very happy to have Dorothy with us since we don't go to Topeka often. We find she is very patient with us and if we miss a turn or take a slightly different route because of traffic or road work, or even if decide to go take pictures by the waterfall, she reconfigures a new route based on the changes of our driving relative to our final destination.
So far, so good. I was relating to my son that this is what my Husband and I try to do with him in his growing up, we try to make adjustments as he grows to help guide him to where he wants to be.
Then comes the 'A-Ha!' moment... I imagined us as I described above, and what would happen if after we took a detour to go take pictures by a fountain here, or missed a road there, or any number of other things, what if Dorothy got fed up with re-configuring those new routes and just took over the steering controls of the car? Can you imagine how freaked out you would be if that happened to you? The first thing you would probably do is STOP!, instinctively slamming on the breaks.
Finding that there are no steering options after repeated efforts, and not being able to disable Dorothy, you might get on the phone and try to work with someone who programed the application so you could get back the control of the vehicle. By this point, not only would I probably be incredibly frustrated by this situation, but time is passing... I have things I want to do, places I want or need to go, so the longer this goes on, the higher goes my stress level, and the greater my stress, the more volatile I will probably become...
Now, I usually compare stress that I feel I have no control over to a pressure cooker with the heat being turned up and the vent pipe is blocked... if the heat doesn't come down (problem solved), or the cooker is not removed from the stove, (temporarily removed from the situation), or the vent doesn't become unblocked (given additional help to deal with the problem), an explosion is imminent, and if there are people close by, someone will probably get hurt...
So, now you have this stress I have described. Add to it the individual you want help from is telling you that nothing can be done, it's just the way it is, you don't have a choice in the matter, whatever. They may sound apologetic, apathetic, or angry which would further affect you. How would you feel and what would you do?
Honestly, I am not one to give someone else a piece of my mind *I need all of it for myself thank you very much* but, it is easy to imagine feeling like I don't have any options left, I can't go where I want to and I probably would feel like I don't have anything to lose anyway, it's as bad as it can get, so I can actually see myself giving the person telling me to 'deal with it' a piece of my mind and have a nice little temper tantrum. *I believe that is the imminent explosion* Sure I feel terrible emotionally/spiritually for losing it, but I am pretty confidant *unfortunately and embarrassingly based on personal experience* that I would feel much better physically. At least now I can THINK because the pressure is back down.
So, how was this an A-Ha! moment for me? Because we adults do this with our children all the time. My husband and I do it all the time! I forget and lose sight that children are given the gift of agency just like me by Heavenly Father. I'm not saying that children have their way whenever they want it, especially in those younger years. Compare it to learning to drive *again the the analogies*, you don't have complete control of the Driver's Ed car, but as the instructor you can stop the car when there is danger, and redirect the student. But eventually, the student(s) transition from learning and practicing to having a license to drive on their own.
Now that there is a new perspective of why all the yelling, name calling, arguing, and on and on, and on... Is it any wonder? Think of it in a new light, like someone honking the horn to get your attention. Then evaluate if "Dorothy" has *or is attempting to* commandeer the steering controls. If that is indeed the case, remember this: There's no place like home... There's no place like home... There's no place like home.
No, if you click your heals three times you won't be whisked away to a perfect heavenly life, not even if your shoes are red. But it can be a good reminder that there really is no place like home. Why? Because that is where our Heavenly Father is - and that is where we want to be. That is the whole point of agency and this life, and the atonement of the Savior so we can use the agency we have been given to grow.
Our job is to teach our children how to use agency and guide them as they go so they will grow and learn, not demand them to do what we want by verbal or physical force... even if we see them making wrong turns, stopping to do something unexpected, or making a change to see what they want to see, or anything else. We are hijacking them when we do that, which ironically is the opposite of agency.
Heavenly Father doesn't try to take the controls, even if we want him to. But he does offer us a better path, he does invite us to counsel with him, he does encourage us to make our own choices, he does provide us with the tools, wisdom, and help we need to be successful, he does guide us back from scary places of our own doing or hijackings of others that cause us to get lost, and he did send his son into the world to light the path by example and make it possible to 'go home' in the first place.
Offer...Invite...Encourage...Provide...Guide...Light the Path by Example...
By the way, for those curious to know how the analogy worked out, as I explained it to my son he lit up and exclaimed that's exactly how he felt! I'm glad I finally get it. = )
~Love & Hugs~
